|
Post by BG on Oct 23, 2005 23:31:14 GMT -5
Coat Check
When I first read this, I thought it said "Goat Check" and I honestly got a little more excited than is probably healthy. So coat checks. Well, I'm generally not a patron of the sorts of places that have coat checks, so they remind me of my lack of money. Also, thanks to the years that MW and I spent as low-level, incompetent grifters with hearts of gold, I am unable to trust anyone with my possessions ever. Especially MW. I have to give coat checks...minus 1 bullet.
But if you switch it to goat check, I can make it plus 4. Not that I'm into that sort of thing.
Next: A commonly used joke among observational stand-up comedians.
|
|
TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
|
Post by TB on Oct 31, 2005 14:56:46 GMT -5
A Commonly Used Joke Among Observational Stand-up Comedians
The only topic that came to mind was one that seems overly abused by black comedians on Comedy Central: What would a white person do versus what would a black person do? Now, I'm about as WASPy as they come, and at the risk of sounding like a member of the KKK I have enjoyed many a joke about how black people and white people behave. In fact, I've noticed that the audiences seem to be predominantly white. Sure, the cameraman always zooms in on the token laughing black guy, but all of his buddies in the seats around him are very white, guffawing louder than he is and getting next to no attention from the cameras. I'm not sure what this is telling me, except maybe we're allowed to laugh at jokes on racial differences if the token black guy is. It's kinda like that commercial where people call this hotline to determine whether or not something is funny, and the people on the other end of the line tell them how much they are allowed to laugh. I think we all need our own token black guy to tell us when and where we can be politically incorrect. That guy gets plus 4 bullets, and the commonly used joke can also have plus one bullet just to make everybody happy.
Next: Halloween
|
|
|
Post by BG on Nov 2, 2005 3:03:28 GMT -5
Halloween:
I'll fully admit that I've never been a big John Carpenter fan. The Thing was pretty good, but as for the rest of his movies I hold either indifference of mild disgust.
So, Halloween- does it hold up? The answer is- kinda. He used Michael Myers pretty well as an antagonist, but I have to say that after years of slasher movie cliches, it just felt like I'd seen it before. I realize that this was the movie that created the cliches, but I can't magically go back in time and try to experience what the first viewing of it was like.
I realize it's a very influential movie, but unfortunately it brought about a lot of things I hate.
Thus I give Halloween -3 bullets.
Next: A famous assassin from history
|
|
|
Post by MW on Nov 2, 2005 18:51:44 GMT -5
JOHN WILKES BOOTH Okay, so he killed Lincoln. That's a minus. But let's not forget some of the things Mr. Booth had going for him, eh? First off, his profession was that of an actor. In our day, Johnny wouldn't be out of work and angry about the war, he'd be appearing as a secondary character in episodes of "House." He was a victim of his times, we might say. Also, let's consider that just before he shot Lincoln, he yelled "Sic Semper Tyrannis!" Always the dramatist, that one. The guy also managed to get away for a time, even though he broke his leg jumping down to the stage after shooting the essteemed 16th president. That's tenacity, friends. All in all, Booth was not a bad guy, except for the fact that he fucking killed Abraham Lincoln. Minus 10 bullets.Next: aluminum
|
|
|
Post by moniker on Nov 3, 2005 14:04:27 GMT -5
ALUMINUM
On the whole, I gotta say that I'm pretty fond of aluminum. It's such a versatile metal. It comes in can, foil, and probably other versions. The fact that it is often related to food speaks well of it. However, we did not use the foil version very often at home and so in college I did not know that you cannot put aluminum foil in the microwave. I did this. My dorm did not like me much after I did this, and damn, that was a perfectly good burrito ruined. But it makes for a silly story now, and so Aluminum gets plus 5 bullets.
Next: the boss' wife
|
|
TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
|
Post by TB on Nov 3, 2005 16:16:43 GMT -5
THE BOSS'S WIFE
As it turns out, all of my bosses have been either single, gay, or female, so I'm gonna have to go on what television tells me the Boss's wife is. Generally, she's hot, though her husband is old and pot-bellied with a bad comb-over. She always seems to be slutty, and wants to do it with the younger men of the office under the boss's desk. The boss usually walks in and poor office boy is forced to hide under the desk, half-naked, while the boss's wife coolly discusses possible curtain colors with the boss, or worse, tries to continue flirting with the man under the desk while the man panics and the boss fails to notice. The Boss's wife is nothing but trouble, if you ask me, and there's no way those boobs are real. She gets minus 2 bullets.
Next: My Idiot Brother Jared
|
|
|
Post by VDeep on Nov 4, 2005 1:17:17 GMT -5
TB's IDIOT BROTHER JARED
I honestly can't believe how much of an idiot this guy is. He's just... God, my fingers are shaking with rage right now he's such an idiot. One time at Sunday School, I had to correct his quiz, and his answer for the question "What was the sacred name of the Lord that the Hebrews feared to speak aloud?" was "Yo-Yo". What an idiot. Then there was the time I asked him to watch my dog when I was in the convenience store to get some gum, and when I cane out, my dog had the words "JARED IS GRATE" written on him. All Jared said was "I swear to God I didn't do it." Fuck. Minus 8 bullets.
Next: Wastebasket Basketball
|
|
TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
|
Post by TB on Nov 4, 2005 12:52:13 GMT -5
Thanks VDeep... will forward that to my brother right away.
|
|
|
Post by Sean Jarrard on Nov 5, 2005 20:39:51 GMT -5
Wastebasket Basketball
I'm assuming you just mean the act of taking a piece of paper, making it spherical, and throwing it into a nearby trash can. As with all pseudo non-sports, there are always guidelines on formality and structure. When presented with a single piece of undesirable paper, it is always acceptable and even encouraged to dispose of it from range. I must mention that basketball themed vocalizations (such as "Jarrard with the Fade away!") should be kept to a minimum or not used at all.
Now, bear in mind that only a one time disposal of a single piece of paper carries with it such a blanket of acceptability. Any continuation of such activity bears certain restrictions. If you happen to have a large stack of paper that you wish to throw away, you are better off throwing it all away at once. Otherwise, you're bound to miss a whole hell of a lot, and then you've just created more work for yourself.
Also, competing with another individual in a structured event is only acceptable if the two of you are at work, and are both extremely bored. There are many other conventions that you should follow in regards to wastebasket basketball, but I haven't bothered to think them up yet. So yeah...+2 bullets
Note: If you are using clean, unused sheets of paper for this, or at any point you fish old pieces out to "re-shoot" them, god help you.
Next: Olympic sports that have qualitative judging.
|
|
|
Post by moniker on Nov 10, 2005 9:27:52 GMT -5
Olympic Sports that have Qualitative Judging
I'm not sure which olympic sports have qualitative judging. I think maybe diving does, because although they give numbers, it all seems based on opinion anyway. And I like to watch diving, so I will go with it. Diving is awesome. For those who don't know, diving is when you jump off a board really high up, do some curly q's with your whole body and try to enter the swimming pool without making a big splash.
Back in the 60's they used to cliff dive, maybe they still do. Cliff diving is great because it is XTREME. Possibly one of the most extreme sports of olden time because you really could die on the jagged rocks and in the shallow water below. Mexico was awesome at cliff-diving, even the fat men were really great. I saw it on that sports show on ESPN where they watch old sports and comment like on MST3K.
I give regular diving +2 bullets, and cliff diving +7 bullets. And the fat Mexican cliff diving representative who ruled, +10 bullets.
Next Topic: Paper Clips
|
|
|
Post by BG on Nov 12, 2005 22:43:45 GMT -5
Paper clips
Y'know what the great thing about paper clips is? Making paper clip art. Actually, I think I built up reader expectation a little too much when I said "great". I should have said "Y'know what makes paperclips less boring?". Either way, I'm pretty sure I've bent more paper clips into interesting shapes (usually simple squiggles and once a triangle) than I have actually used paper clips for their intended purpose of holding paper together.
On the other hand, detective shows have convinced me that you can pick a lock in 2 seconds with nothing more than a bent paper clip. Having tried this, I think it would be more accurate in these shows if they showed their protagonist not so much picking as breaking the lock after about 2 minutes of wiggling the clip around.
So, overall paperclips get...umm...I dunno, a bullet.
Next: a holiday not officially recognized by the US government
|
|
TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
|
Post by TB on Nov 13, 2005 11:59:56 GMT -5
A Holiday Not Officially Recognized by the US Govt.
Apologies, but I couldn't resist:
It always irks me that Taryn's Butt Appreciation Day isn't a sufficient reason for kids to get out of school, and that it only makes it to the calendar if someone has a sharpie handy. It is much more fun than some holidays that DO get recognized, like Labor Day, Veteran's Day, Memorial Day, and Good Friday. What exactly are you supposed to do on these days, besides sitting at home, eating macaroni and cheese in front of the television? No one knows! Taryn's Butt Appreciation Day involves the time-honored tradition of reading of Ben Gulley's lesser-known masterpiece "Ode to Taryn's Butt" in front of a whole bunch of scared-looking people that have never heard of the holiday before. Then I put on tight pants and everyone admires my lovely posterior. It's a shame that American children have to learn reading, writing and arithmetic while only the bored and unemployed acquaintances of Taryn can partake in the joyous event. Taryn's Butt Appreciation Day deserves plus 4 bullets, but only gets plus 1 bullet, since I still have to pencil it into my calendar every year.
Next: Leonardo DiCaprio
|
|
|
Post by BG on Nov 13, 2005 12:09:44 GMT -5
Leonardo DiCaprio
First off, it's always weird whenver a name is only used by a few people. It's one thing to have a common name like John, or a name that no one else would ever use like Paracelsus (or for that matter Augustus Theophrastus Bombastus von Hoenheim), but when a name is only held by 3 people....that's just kind of weird. I mean, you have this actor, you have a turtle, and you have that other guy who's dead now. Only 3 people with the name Leonardo, yessiree. Anyway, as I can recall he's played a retard and he's played a guy who froze in the North Sea. I gotta say that's a pretty good range.
Oh, and I'd like to point out that over on the JP.com boards, VDeep was having a disagreement with a guy as to whether or not the body would sink after it froze. I realize that not everyone here is involved over at the JP.com boards, but still, I like to support VDeep in pretty much everything he does.
Oh yeah, DiCaprio. I guess he'd be a cinch for best actor if he'd only get his stuff together and play a retarded guy who freezes in the North Sea.
He gets 2 bullets. One for retardation, one for hypothermia.
Next: 70's/80's Bands named for geographical locations
|
|
TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
|
Post by TB on Dec 2, 2005 14:50:16 GMT -5
Gee Whiz, BG, you killed thread. I always knew it would be you. Bastard. I'll half-ass one.
Chicago.
One of my exes was a big fan, so this band gets a minus 3 bullets, because that guy was no good in the sack.
Next: People who pronounce "nuclear" as "nucular"
|
|
|
Post by Sean Jarrard on Dec 3, 2005 8:45:51 GMT -5
People who pronounce nuclear as "nucular"
The entire United States Navy (especially the nuclear field) pronounces it that way, so yeah...negative 60 bullets. Actually, make that "fatal gunshot wounds to the stomach." That sounds a lot better.
Next: Wool
|
|