TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Sept 4, 2005 11:40:33 GMT -5
AN ALTERNATE FUEL SOURCE
I've always been a little confused as to why cow manure would make a good fuel source. Sure, there's a lot of it (particularly around my neighborhood), and it certainly would be cheap (if they started charging $3.19 for a gallon of processed feces I think I would leave the country). I sorta understand that whole "ethanol is useful" thing... but really, what Farmer Fran out there decided "Hey, turds make my tomaters grow faster, maybe I oughta throw some in the old gas tank."
They actually have large groups of people working on this, and it's apparently because they've discovered that different types of poop have to be processed differently. What do you suppose their job description is: Dung engineer? Prairie Chip technician? Cattle Cookie specialist? It makes me sad that all of these people are playing with animal droppings for money, and I'm even sadder that I spent so much time looking up euphemisms for "crap". Minus 2 bullets.
Next: Cher's wardrobe
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Post by VDeep on Sept 21, 2005 0:24:07 GMT -5
CHER'S WARDROBE I know nothing of Cher's wardrobe, but if it's anything like her body of work, it will be glossy yet flimsy. With the aid of a Google image search, I can give this particular subject Minus thirteen bullets. Nobody wants to see that. At least not on Cher. Unless you ARE Cher.
Next: The Fruit Guys from Fruit of the Loom commercials.
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TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Sept 22, 2005 20:47:07 GMT -5
THE FRUIT GUYS FROM THE FRUIT OF THE LOOM COMMERCIALS
Okay, it's been a while since I've seen a television, but let's see... I know there's an apple and two sets of grapes, but what is that ugly yellow one supposed to be? I've heard theories that he's a wad of tobacco (clearly a theory born in the South), a leaf, a fig, or fig leaves, but personally I think he looks a little like Captain Caveman. I have yet to see him hit Apple over the head with a wooden club, so I could very well be wrong about this.
I'm a little terrified of the country song they just made up about loving your underwear, but just because I remember Apple getting stuck on a fireman's pole once... PLUS 3 BULLETS for the immense pleasure I seem to find in Apple's misery.
Next: Spiderman and his Amazing Friends (the cartoon)
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Post by aak2013 on Sept 26, 2005 12:25:08 GMT -5
OPINION:
This site needs more Jengaship.
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Post by MW on Sept 26, 2005 18:50:12 GMT -5
That's not about Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. But this is. SPIDER-MAN AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS I'm not sure what makes Spider-Man's amazing friends all that "amazing." I mean, Iceman and Firestar? These guys are supposed to be amazing? One's a dude made of ice and another's some chick who shoots fire out of her hands. If anything, Spider-Man's the only amazing one out of the group. Also, he's the only one who has any personality. Oh, and the cartoon was pretty crappy. Wasn't there like, some poodle who hung out with Aunt May all the time? Yeck. Minus 5 bullets. Next: Navy Blue
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Post by BG on Sept 27, 2005 21:06:00 GMT -5
Navy Blue:
I have to say that I like Navy Blue. It's a good compromise, because I like wearing dark clothes, but I don't want to be one of those kids who only wears black. Especially those people who wear black t-shirts with the white print that says something hipster-ish and ironic. I hate those guys.
So yeah, for helping me spite the black t-shirt-wearing ilk of this world, Navy Blue gets
plus 2 bullets.
Next: Eastern Philosophy
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TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Oct 6, 2005 11:01:48 GMT -5
EASTERN PHILOSOPHY
I think BG put up this topic just so he could make the rest of us feel ignorant since he is in China and all. He probably expects someone all to Google this and then write some elaborate nonsense just to prove that we aren't completely devoid of intelligence whatsoever. For this, I think BG is a pompous windbag and I give him minus 1 bullet.
However, I am completely at peace with my own ignorance so I shall give the Google bot a day off this time. What do I think about Eastern Philosophy, other than it's a topic that pompous windbags bring up at parties to impress pompous females?
Let's see, there's yin and yang, which have always looked good on tshirts, and is really fun to say: YIN and YANG!!! I always enjoy a good magazine article about tantric sex, Nirvana was a great band, and I have about 1000 years of bad karma from all those ladybugs Amy and I killed on our dorm ceiling that one time they took over. I'm pretty sure this means I'm coming back as an aphid. I once dated a drug addict who converted to Buddhism and said he could sense my aura. He was on a whole different plane of existence. I kinda wish I had a golden Buddha in my living room, but my Presbyterian mother said "I brought you into this world, I can easily take you out of it." I was very disappointed.
So, anyways, I'm damn ignorant, but if I wasn't, I might actually think some of this stuff was cool. Especially if I borrowed some of that dude's drugs. Confucius say: "Eastern Philosophy gets plus 2 bullets. Rock on."
Next: Vegetarians
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Post by BG on Oct 10, 2005 8:54:30 GMT -5
Vegetarians
I can sum up the problem with vegetarians in one sentence. They don't like bacon. What the fuck is up with that? Bacon is one of the single greatest substances known to man, and can be enjoyed at all times of the day. Ask Matt about bacon sandwiches sometime.
Bacon gets infinity bullets! For not liking bacon, vegetarians get...minus 87 bullets.
Next: the pinky finger
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Post by moniker on Oct 10, 2005 11:28:56 GMT -5
this is not an opinion on pinky fingers but rather a response to the vegetarian rapid-fire opinion.
I am vegetarian (mostly). And I like bacon. I make bacon for my boyfriend and drool while he eats it. I make fake bacon for myself and wish it were real bacon. So there you have it, a vegetarian who would eat bacon if you told her it was fake. mmm.. bacon... I second the infinity bacon bullets, and change the vegetarian bullets to positive 87 because you have to feel sorry for them (me) for not being able to eat bacon.
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Post by MW on Oct 10, 2005 18:35:06 GMT -5
I loves bacon. Also, I'm retracting the "pinky finger" topic, because it's already been in an opinions piece (the world-famous "Fingers of the Hand").
So, new topic:
Spiders
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Post by VDeep on Oct 11, 2005 2:17:31 GMT -5
SPIDERS
While I've never been openly afraid of spiders, and will even go near them and stare in amazement at them before 'rescuing' them and placing them outside, I'm not a fan either. If anything, the greatest impact any spider has had on my life thus far would probably be related to me finding a web somewhere and wiping it out for no reason. We're like monolithic Russia and the miniscule Baltic States: no real open animosity, but we aren't doing each other any favors, either. The eight-legged little Lithuanias get plus two bullets and I'll call it even if they will.
Next: Speedy Gonzalez
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TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Oct 11, 2005 14:41:23 GMT -5
SPEEDY GONZALES
I couldn't help but enjoy this pint-sized, sombrero-sporting version of an ethnic stereotype that was recently shelved by the Cartoon Network. Sure, the Mexican accent was a little overdone, and he was the "fastest mouse in all of mexico" in more ways than one (I recall a particular weakness for beautiful girls)... but it was FUNNY, especially when he called Sylvester a "Gringo Pussygato." His friends are drunks, and sometimes he joins a mariachi band. Speedy Gonzales embodies every offensive joke we have ever made about Mexicans, and while Looney Toons has crossed the line more than I can count, cartoons just wouldn't be funny if everyone was politically correct. Can you imagine: "Speedy Gonzales: the self-made, self-assured mouse who happens to reside in Mexico and is always righteous and polite." In fact, I don't think his name could even be Speedy anymore... it'd have to be something like Franklin. Blech.
Therefore, Speedy Gonzales gets plus 3 bullets, just the way he is. The Cartoon Network gets minus 2 bullets for being overly kosher.
Next: Seashells in the bathroom
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Post by JE on Oct 11, 2005 17:44:31 GMT -5
SEASHELLS IN THE BATHROOM
I never understood the practice of putting seashells in the bathroom, until I considered the possibility that human beings, and, indeed, all land creatures, feel most comfortabe pooping in the ocean. This is probably what has driven Atlanteans like Aquaman and Namor the Submariner so insane with rage against us Land Lubbers. They'll tolerate toxic waste and oil spills, but the second one of us drops our trousers at the beach...
You know what? I don't want to continue this line of thought. Minus 10 bullets for even getting me started on this.
Next topic:
LIGERS AND TIGONS
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Post by BG on Oct 11, 2005 23:40:33 GMT -5
You're right, you did already do the fingers of the hand. And you had that picture of chicken fingers. I mostly remember that for the whole thumb debate.
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Post by moniker on Oct 13, 2005 13:18:21 GMT -5
My guess is that "Ligers and Tigons" are from Napoleon Dynamite, but that is just my guess-- I've only seen the movie once unlike every other person under the age of 24 on the freakin planet. And I thought the movie was kind of dumb, but then again, I was not on drugs when I saw it. Anyway, seeing as how the movie was a love it/hate it for all the people I know, I suppose Ligers and Tigons probably go that way too. But I'm pretty indifferent, so ZERO BULLETS!
Oh, I forgot to add what to opinionate next: Making your own gramatically incorrect verbs [for example: "opinionate" or "conversate"]
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