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Post by VDeep on Aug 17, 2005 14:37:12 GMT -5
Just testing the waters for a longer "theme thread" here, let me know if the idea sucks. This would be one of those "chains" where each person who posts responds to the previous post and gives the topic for the next one. In this one we'd give an opinion (MW-style) about a paragraph or so long, then rate it in bullets, then leave a new subject for the next person (any subject will do, there doesn't have to be a specific link between the subjects).
Let's start with, oh how about, Lemmings. (The game, not the mammals)
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Post by MW on Aug 17, 2005 15:06:51 GMT -5
LEMMINGS A pretty fun puzzle game for it's day, to be sure. However, when compared to the godfather of all puzzle games, Tetris, it pales somewhat -- but then again, so does just about everything, including eating and breathing, so I won't hold that against it. Perhaps the greatest thing about Lemmings is that the developers included in the game an option to make one of your lemmings just explode all over the place. Often this would cause me as a player to stop trying to get to the actual goal of any stage and instead just spend half an hour blowing up little pixellated animals. If for no other reason, I have to love this game for that. Plus 7 bullets.Next topic: Times New Roman font
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Post by BG on Aug 17, 2005 19:31:02 GMT -5
The Times New Roman Font
As fonts go, it's pretty boring as the standard. While it's not all gay like some fonts (wingdings, I'm looking in your direction), it fails that critical test of padding the length of my college term papers. Arial, Geneva, Helvectica...they're all just a little bigger without looking too much bigger.
However! Steve Martin, in his masterwork Pure Drivel, wrote a pretty hilarious bit about Times New Roman being short on periods. In all likelihood, the funny came from Steve Martin and not Times New Roman, but Steve Martin generally makes me think of things in a more favorable light. Things that aren't Bringing Down the House. Plus 3 Bullets
Next topic: A thing that is in some way associated with Canada
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Post by VDeep on Aug 17, 2005 23:44:23 GMT -5
JOHN CANDY
When I was in 6th grade, I had an idea for a movie starring John Candy, Dustin Hoffman, and a stuffed Garfield doll. But then, a week after I devised the idea, John Candy died, and I was crestfallen. At that point, I had only known that he was in Home Alone and had his own Saturday morning cartoon show. It wasn't until much, much later that I discovered how rich and storied his legacy of comedy would be. I miss you, John. I'm sorry you never got the chance to play third banana to Dustin Hoffman reprising his Rain Man role and a talking, inanimate plush orange cat with a gambling addiction. Plus 5 bullets.
Next: Yoo-hoo (the drink)
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Post by MW on Aug 18, 2005 22:48:23 GMT -5
YOO-HOO While incredibly delicious, there are a few setbacks to this chocolatey drink. First of all, you have to shake it before you drink it. It's absolutely imperative that you shake it. If anyone out there has had the misfortune of drinking an unshaken Yoo-Hoo, believe me, I know your pain. Second, Yoo-Hoo is only good in one container: the glass bottle. Trying to drink it out of a can is just...wrong. Despite these things, though, Yoo-Hoo has disticnt advantages over its competition, like Quik and regular old chocolate milk. Namely, you don't have to mix it and there's little to no nutritional value. That's enough to get it Plus 2 bullets. Next: School Buses
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Taxi
Abbott
Posts: 14
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Post by Taxi on Aug 19, 2005 13:30:47 GMT -5
SCHOOL BUSES Perhaps the worst vehicle ever designed by the human race, the common school bus is smelly, loud, and contaminated with little children. Lacking both seat belts and cup holders, a bus ride is almost never a pleasant experience. Also, bus drivers are often ridiculous looking people who were rejected by society and therefore put in charge of children's transportation and safety. On the positive side, the Green Lantern's powers would not affect a yellow school bus. Regardless, minus three bullets.Next topic: Three Dimensional Puzzles
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Post by VDeep on Aug 22, 2005 1:46:33 GMT -5
THREE DIMENSIONAL PUZZLES
While they're not two-dimensional puzzles, like crosswords or financial aid forms, three-dimensional puzzles suffer mostly from the fact they are often created as a distraction, rather than an actual puzzle that anyone of even reasonably high intelligence can figure out. I mean, seriously, the Rubik's cube. If anyone, anywhere, is actually coming up with a foolproof way to solve that puzzle, we need to pull his grant money and give it to something more logical, like building the world's largest Speak n Spell. Minus 1 bullet.
Next: The lost city of Atlantis
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TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Aug 29, 2005 21:41:19 GMT -5
THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS.
For something that's so lost, it's been "found" an awful lot of times. Between Brazil, Bolivia, Spain, Haiti, Ireland, and hell, even North Dakota, Atlantis is often "discovered" near places that aren't feeling particularly special at the time. I mean, really...why else would you want to go to Haiti?
What's so interesting about Atlantis anyways? Plato raved about the great minds, the riches, and the ingenius structures that were built on this island. But I must ask: where are all these architects, artists, and beings of super-intelligence after the first natural disaster (pick one: flood, earthquake, great chasm of death) hit? Answer: UNEMPLOYED, and yes, a little bit dead. For thousands of years, we're still searching for a couple of idiots who decided to build their summer home too close to the water in the middle of hurricane season. I'd say that qualifies as the biggest waste of time in recorded history. Minus 5 bullets.
Next topic: Lawn ornaments.
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Post by BeeGee on Aug 29, 2005 22:10:46 GMT -5
Okay, China isn't letting me log in for some goddamn reason. Anyway, here's
Lawn Ornaments
From pink flamingoes to little stone gnomes, I appreciate the hell out of lawn ornaments. They aren't so much there for decoration as they are as a portent. "GO AWAY, BEN GULLEY," they say. And I appreciate their warning, too, because any time in my life I've met someone with lawn ornaments, I've disliked that person. I'm not against decorating houses. MW used to have a cutout of Frank Castle adorning one of his windows, looking out into the yard longingly. Maybe if more lawn ornaments were crafted in the likeness of Marvel superheroes, I'd be more naturally pre-disposed towards them. Until then, lawn ornaments on principle get:
negative 2 bullets (with some points awarded for keeping me away from people I would hate)
Next: One of the Herculean Labors
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Post by MW on Aug 29, 2005 22:19:05 GMT -5
CLEANING THE AUGEAN STABLES This is my favorite Herculean labor, and here's why: it proves that thinking your way out of doing potentially lengthy and smelly jobs with a quick, clever, somewhat half-assed solution is a legitimate way to do things. I mean, let's face it, most of the time Hercules could just punch his way out of just about every situation. So he wrestles a lion. Big deal. He cuts off some hydra heads. Whatever. He redirects a river to clean up animal feces. Now, that's using the old noggin. It's an inspiration. Plus 8 bullets. Next: TB's opinion of Atlantis
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Post by BeeGee on Aug 30, 2005 20:54:41 GMT -5
TB's Opinion of the Lost City of Atlantis
I'll admit that I'm a bit biased here. For one thing, I think TB smells, but mainly I hate her because I was halfway through typing an opinion of Atlantis before I realized that she'd beaten me to the punch. Nevermind the fact that my opinion wasn't funny, or that I don't even have an opinion whatsoever about the Lost City of Atlantis, that opinion was MINE! You hear me, TB? Yeah, you don't want any of this!
TB's opinion thus gets: plus 3 bullets
Just because I like people rating things from lists... Next: One of the 10 commandments
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Post by VDeep on Sept 2, 2005 1:00:29 GMT -5
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS
I'd like to applaud God and the whole God Squad for coming out so strongly against lying. So much so, that I even wrote a poem about it. And here it is... "Honesty is such a lonely word / Everyone is so untrue / Honesty is hardly ever heard / And mostly what I need from you." Also, that commandment about stealing is a pretty good one, too. Plus 4 bullets
Next: Crayola 64-packs
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TB
Depresso
If you're attractive enough on the outside, people will forgive you for being irritating to the core
Posts: 81
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Post by TB on Sept 2, 2005 11:40:56 GMT -5
CRAYOLA 64 PACK
At some point in their lives, every child comes to realize that ole ROY G BIV just isn't good enough. Thank goodness for the Crayola 64 pack, the ultimate crayon collection! Now children can toss away that plain old violet crayon and draw Barney using "purple mountain majesty." And for the holidays, you can add a little more flavor to your Christmas cards with alternatives like "wild strawberry." Jewish? NO Problem! A little "goldenrod" would look lovely on your menorah. There are so many crayons to choose from, you'll probably be able to use this same Crayola pack for the next 10 years of your life (I know I did.)
But, just in case you can't get enough of that "granny smith apple," the box comes with a built-in sharpener! Now, you know you will survive just a little bit longer than you would if you kept stealing your mother's eye pencil sharpener. And, for all you closet crayon-eaters out there, Crayola crayons are, as always, non-toxic... so you can put away that poison control center number and eat away just as you like! All of this you can buy for around 3$ at your local Target. What a deal! I'd say the 64 pack deserves plus 3 bullets, (though my opinion could have sounded a little less like an infomercial).
Next topic: Kids today
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Post by MW on Sept 2, 2005 14:32:42 GMT -5
KIDS TODAY Psssh. Who needs 'em? They think they're so smart what with their hip-hop music and calculus. I say we show 'em by raising the world's temperature by a couple degrees, using up all petroleum-based energy sources and ensuring that they can expect little to no social security benefits. If they're gonna go around doing well in school and being socially conscious, it's what they deserve! Minus 5 bullets.Next: Magnetic North
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Post by BeeGee on Sept 3, 2005 22:08:24 GMT -5
Magnetic North
Do you realize how disillusioned I was when I found out that magnetic north didn't actually lead to the North Pole? Mildy, that's how disillusioned I was. Seriously, what good was a compass if it would only lead me to somewhere kind of near the North Pole? Then I remembered that the North Pole sucks. Stupid earth with its magnetic fields. I'm gonna go hang out a rough crowd down by the railroad tracks.
magnetic north gets minus 2 bullets
Next: An alternate fuel source
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