How to begin Chapter One

[VDeep]

Well, here I find myself once more, wanting to write a book. Really, I think I can actually do it this time. Here's my strategy: make it a loosely-bound collection of brain droppings with little in common divided into about 128 short chapters, with illustrations and, sometimes, the occasional picture of Tony Danza.

The beginning is crucial, of course. I'll put down what I have so far, and you can tell whether or not you'd actually want to continue reading the book. Seriously, don't humor me. If it's really awful, say something.


CHAPTER 1
THE DAYS

Yes, those were the days.
The days. That is exactly what those were.
Lemonade. Swimming pools. Plastic deck chairs. Ice cream. Electric fans. Sentence fragments. Summer.
It reminds me of that song:

“Summer is a season / Makes me wanna shout / Summer summer summer / Pimp dat booty out / Pimp it pimp it pimp it / Pimp it out all ova town / Dayum, girl! / Dat one fine booty! / Don’t turn around / Der Kommisar’s in town”




(note: I couldn't get the Y as big as I wanted for this post)

[MW]

If the Y were somewhere between 3 and 8 times bigger, I would love it unequivocally.

[BG]

My only complaint is that there needs to be more. More dammit!

[MW]

I've been inspired to start a novel of my own. Here's what I have so far.


CHAPTER ONE
THE END

This was it, alright.

Tolliver James Backwash just sat there by the window, lookin' at me. He knew this was it. Wasn't no need tellin' me. He could say it just by lookin'. Which is what he did. He was lookin' at me.

What he knew as he sat there by the window was that this was the end of all of it. The whole thing. This was the ultimate. The be-all. The last dance. The final straw. The edge of the cliff. The end of the line. The big drop. The kill-stop. The over-and-done with. There wasn't no more. Nothin' left but to die and leave a beautiful corpse.

Tolliver pointed down the hill at Wallace, who was makin' his way to us, sure. Wallace knew too. This was it.

But then again, maybe this wasn't it after all.

[VDeep]

bg said:

My only complaint is that there needs to be more. More dammit!

I would have written more (and am doing so right now) but when I got to the song, I was unsure whether what I had written was mildly amusing or soul-taintingly awful. I had to get some second opinions.
Unlike great authors, I probably won't do too much re-writing. Maybe a little, but not enough.

[Sean Jarrard]

Lest we forget the greatest chapter one to have ever been created:

Way down yonder in the something-or-other there lived a spider, that lived in a cage...

[bujingyi201]

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