Post by VDeep on Apr 21, 2005 1:34:53 GMT -5
Thought I'd try one of these. Let's see how it goes...
THINGS YOU RENT
MOVIES - Well, this is about opinions, and my opinion is that I've never been a big fan of movies. Actually, that's more of a fact than an opinion. I'm sorry, I just need the intermission-strewn attention-span-wasteland of television. Plus, a movie is just one story; television series often require dozens of short, entertaining stories each season. People who write movies probably just don't have the chops to write for TV. Minus 3 bullets.
APARTMENTS - For a person like myself, apartments are the way to go. Sure it would be great to have a nice big house with rooms you never use and servants who tend to your every need. Servants like your chauffeur, Mister Chauffeurly, who takes you to town each day so that you may look upon the unwashed masses with disdain, and speak in a faux British accent about their unkempt appearances and what the world is coming to. And he'd probably say something like "Yes, sir. Quite." Yeah. That'd be nice. Oh. Right. Apartments. Um... Plus 1 bullet.
TUXEDOS - Tuxedos are kind of weird, don't you think? Unless you're Pee-Wee Herman, a bow tie just doesn't go with anything else. For day-to-day wear, it looks laughable and foppish, but with a tuxedo, it magically becomes the most golden accessory in a gentleman's wardrobe. At least that's how it will be until the day they make a spinning one that can slice through titanium. Plus 2 bullets.
NACHOS - I don't eat nachos, so I can't vouch for their "you don't eat 'em, you just rent 'em" status. But there is that "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?... Not-yo' cheese!" joke that I've always been fond of. One time at a gathering of friends from across the country, I happened to use that one in the presence of a person from New Mexico, who cut me off before the punchline and told me he would forcibly eject me from the vehicle because he heard that joke a million times. And that was the proudest I've ever been in my life. Plus 3 bullets.
WHEELBARROWS - Never in my life have I needed to rent one of these. Yardwork! Who needs it! Bah! I hope I never need to rent one of these, and if I do, I had better be moving something great like French Fries instead of leaves. Minus 2 bullets.
FUNCTION ROOMS - Whether it's an unnecessarily large birthday party, a wedding reception, or an anniversary that's divisible by five, nothing beats renting a ballroom at a ritzy or semi-ritzy restaurant. Some places will even take care of things like the DJ and catering for you! Chances are good nowadays that karaoke will be available, and then you'll drink up enough courage to get up there and do "Safety Dance". And of course several different people will record it... and you'll have evidence to haunt you for the rest of your life... On second thought, screw function rooms. Minus 1 bullet.
Well, that wraps up my opinions on things you rent. A flat, empty 0 bullets. So why rent when you can own?
THINGS YOU RENT
MOVIES - Well, this is about opinions, and my opinion is that I've never been a big fan of movies. Actually, that's more of a fact than an opinion. I'm sorry, I just need the intermission-strewn attention-span-wasteland of television. Plus, a movie is just one story; television series often require dozens of short, entertaining stories each season. People who write movies probably just don't have the chops to write for TV. Minus 3 bullets.
APARTMENTS - For a person like myself, apartments are the way to go. Sure it would be great to have a nice big house with rooms you never use and servants who tend to your every need. Servants like your chauffeur, Mister Chauffeurly, who takes you to town each day so that you may look upon the unwashed masses with disdain, and speak in a faux British accent about their unkempt appearances and what the world is coming to. And he'd probably say something like "Yes, sir. Quite." Yeah. That'd be nice. Oh. Right. Apartments. Um... Plus 1 bullet.
TUXEDOS - Tuxedos are kind of weird, don't you think? Unless you're Pee-Wee Herman, a bow tie just doesn't go with anything else. For day-to-day wear, it looks laughable and foppish, but with a tuxedo, it magically becomes the most golden accessory in a gentleman's wardrobe. At least that's how it will be until the day they make a spinning one that can slice through titanium. Plus 2 bullets.
NACHOS - I don't eat nachos, so I can't vouch for their "you don't eat 'em, you just rent 'em" status. But there is that "What do you call cheese that isn't yours?... Not-yo' cheese!" joke that I've always been fond of. One time at a gathering of friends from across the country, I happened to use that one in the presence of a person from New Mexico, who cut me off before the punchline and told me he would forcibly eject me from the vehicle because he heard that joke a million times. And that was the proudest I've ever been in my life. Plus 3 bullets.
WHEELBARROWS - Never in my life have I needed to rent one of these. Yardwork! Who needs it! Bah! I hope I never need to rent one of these, and if I do, I had better be moving something great like French Fries instead of leaves. Minus 2 bullets.
FUNCTION ROOMS - Whether it's an unnecessarily large birthday party, a wedding reception, or an anniversary that's divisible by five, nothing beats renting a ballroom at a ritzy or semi-ritzy restaurant. Some places will even take care of things like the DJ and catering for you! Chances are good nowadays that karaoke will be available, and then you'll drink up enough courage to get up there and do "Safety Dance". And of course several different people will record it... and you'll have evidence to haunt you for the rest of your life... On second thought, screw function rooms. Minus 1 bullet.
Well, that wraps up my opinions on things you rent. A flat, empty 0 bullets. So why rent when you can own?
